I forgive you for everything

Sometimes I wonder how we made it as long as we did. If you told me years ago, I’d love you more than anyone, I don’t know if I would have believed you. 

But time is a funny thing. You look over your shoulder and realize how fast time has gone by. You see characters come in and out of your life so quickly, and then you notice the faces who haven’t left. 

For so long you were one of those people. But in time you too played your part and took your final bow on stage. I didn’t believe you when you told me it was your last show. I didn’t want to. 

But the show went on, and I looked around and you weren’t there. I kept looking back but there was no sign of your return, now or ever. 

I was so mad at you…as loyal as you had been to me, I had reciprocated that and multiplied it. I felt like we owed it to each other to be in one another’s lives. Of all the people I never thought you’d be the one to leave,  

I hated you…I don’t believe in hate. I know hate is really masked pain, but hate allows you to get through things. If you stay angry and mad you don’t have to address the fact you are utterly heartbroken over something. I suggest staying mad as long as you can, but remember once you stop being mad, it hurts like hell.

I wished I never met you…There were so many nights I cried myself to sleep. I thought what would happen if I never met you. 

But then I got to realizing…I would have rather loved you and lost it, then never known you at all. Because despite the pain I wouldn’t have traded the good times for anything. 

It might not have been me….I knew why you couldn’t stay. It didn’t have as much to do with me, as the place you needed to leave behind. Unfortunately that place you wanted to escape from was my home and I would have only got up and left if you asked me. But you didn’t. 

But maybe we weren’t right…I hate admitting defeat but sometimes you have to. 

I forgive you for everything…I still view you in the greatest of light. I don’t blame you for anything. I get it. I really do. I just hope I can get to a point where it doesn’t hurt anymore. I hope if and when we cross paths it isn’t like a dagger to my heart. 

Just know you always have a place to come back to…and even if we go years not speaking, if ever decide to come back there will always be a place for you here. Because to me home has always been where you are