I was okey but  You look through my eyes

I’m a liar . . .

I’m a liar and I’ve been lying to you for a long time. I didn’t do it on purpose and in a way I was lying to myself too. I’m so sorry.

Every time I told you I was okay. Every time I told you that there was nothing wrong and not to worry. Every time I smiled to prove that I was fine.

I was lying.

I haven’t been okay for a very long time. I thought if I kept saying it that one day it might just happen. I might just magically become okay again.

I know now that, that’s just not how life works. I’ve learned that running from your problems just makes them worse. So much worse…

I thought that not telling anyone would keep it from being real. I thought that it was my fault and that people wouldn’t want anything to do with me if they ever found out. I was scared, so I kept lying.

I blamed what they did on myself. I was told for so long that it was my fault, that I began to believe it. I became ashamed of myself for the mistakes of others.

I didn’t like myself and the only thing that kept me going was the thought that someone loved me. Someone wanted me in their life. Someone needed me to make it.

You were my life raft. You kept me afloat in a world that I was drowning in. You saved me in ways you will never comprehend.

I owe you everything. That’s why I will spend forever trying to be the best person I can be. I will do my best every day to make you proud of the girl you saved.

You pulled me out of the worst situation and took on my problems as your own. You helped me face the world. Your strength became my strength and I’ll never be able to repay you.

You held my hand when I wanted to let go. You hugged me as I fell apart. You dried tears that never stopped coming.

You watched and listened and were exactly what I needed. You put hope back in my heart and taught me that there is some good in this world. It was you that took this liar and finally gave her a reason to tell the truth.

I’ll never be able to tell you how much I appreciate what you’ve done for me.

But I’ll start by saying thank you for not giving up on me.

6 thoughts on “I was okey but  You look through my eyes

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